i. The Devil: fear-based or heart-led?
Where do you find yourself leaning towards?
Happy full moon in Capricorn! I know I’m a bit late, but I’m still trying to get back into the grind of doing readings and dedicating time for myself and my practice. I’ve been in such a better headspace after I took the time to rest due to being sick, and I’ve been making use of my remaining leaves before I officially bid farewell to corporate life. I wouldn’t be in this space had I chosen to give into my doubts and fears, which is what this post is about. But before I get into that, let me share a bit of an energy update for the Capricorn full moon.
One of the themes for this full moon in Capricorn is expansion. Capricorns, and I know this too well as a Capricorn rising, are always keen to climb and conquer mountains in search for growth, security and greener pastures. But its shadow side is represented by the 15th card of the major arcana, The Devil, a card about self-bondage. It’s ironic because how do you push yourself towards expansion if you are also bound and held hostage to the things that prevent you from growth?
In my case, I’ve always been held back by my fears especially when it comes to money and security. My relentless need to succeed is driven by this fear, which isn’t all that bad in moderation, but sometimes it comes at the expense of other things which are also important: rest, self-care, fun and creativity. My fear has made me a slave to society’s hustle and productivity culture.
And how does fear hold me back? Well, I tend to stick to what feels safe and familiar and what I think can provide and sustain for my needs. This thinking has kept me from truly exploring my potential because I only choose to conquer mountains that I’m already familiar with.
For the longest time, I believed in The Devil, every illusion I’ve created that kept me contained in a small box: beliefs that I’m not good enough, doubts that I might not succeed, fears of disappointing people, fears of other’s opinions, and the list goes on.
There’s beauty though in realizing that these bondages are of my own creation, because I can also choose to break free from them. That’s what I was finally, for the longest time, able to do. That was the most precious gift I had given myself.
The voices of these fears are still here, of course. But I try to hold on to the voice telling me that it’s safe to try, that it’s safe to take a step forward. Instead of allowing my fears to take the wheel, I am choosing to hold on to my faith in myself and the Universe. Because as a good friend once told me, I need to trust that it’s possible to achieve success even when it’s your heart leading you. Society may think and say otherwise, but now is the time to rewrite our narratives and create better, healthier and happier ways to achieve the goals we want for ourselves.
I wanted to share this because I really love this card and the message written by The Alleyman himself. This is from the Alleyman Tarot Guidebook.
So a few journaling prompts brought to you by the full moon in Capricorn:
Where do you find yourself leaning towards right now, fear-based or heart-led expansion?
What is holding you back right now or keeping you hostage from living the kind of life you want?
Are you able to take a moment to breathe right now and notice where tension is hiding in your body? Are you able to take another breath and release tension with your exhale?
Are your dreams bigger than your fears? Can you try to take a small step forward?
I also want to take this time to thank you for supporting me in my new and rekindled endeavor by subscribing to this newsletter. As a small gift, I’m offering a one-card reading that I’ll gladly slide to your inbox. No questions asked, just a message for this Capricorn full moon. If you want to claim your gift, just reply to this email with your name and a please and thank you. You can add a message if you want, or not. Up to you.
Sharing an old artwork. This is how it feels like having fear and anxiety following you around everyday. But sometimes, the heaviness eases one breath at a time.
Love,
Annie